Developing a life philosophy by Dan Moore + 8th Habit by Stephen Covey
For some of you who do not know, I just had a chance to attend one of the best educational seminars in the world - Great Recruiters Seminar held by Southwestern Company. I was looking through the stuff I learned and wanted to reflect little bit on one part - presented by Harvard graduate and one of my personal role models Dan Moore. During my trip I also purchased a book, another "self help bestseller" by Stephen Covey called "The 8th Habit". I thougt it will be a good time spender in plane but it actually really mesmerized me. I think Dan´s part and the book talk so much about the same thing that is actually big part of our everyday life - feeling that something is missing or you have lost the directions.
I will reflect some thoughts it provoked.
Developing a life philosophy
Have you ever felt that you are in the life just kind of swimming and floating helplessly? That all your good intentions and promises to yourself end up fading away as you go with the flow? Also, propably we have all encountered a feeling that what we do really is not making any difference. This was the central topic of both Dan´s speach and the book. What is the antidote for this feeling of emptyness? Dan talked us about unifying principles, so called life philosohpy.
They are a statement of the principles that are most important for you. This principles work as a compass in guiding your actions and goal-setting.
What are the two things everyone has to do in their life? No, its not death and taxes. You can avoid taxes (lets not talk more about it ;)) but you can´t avoid death and living with yourself until death. So if we all have to live with ourselves it only make sense to have good guidelines for that!
Unifying principles are deeply held beliefs that:
- guide your conduct
- light your path
- serve as a judge & jury in resolving disputes between your own desires
These principles give you a POWER for goal achieving. They help you be a consistent person and also make consistent decisions especially when no one is looking. Without those values you would do what you FEEL is the best thing to do at the moment. And we all know that decisions based on feelings are usually bad ones. Good example is work: how succesful would you be if you would quit every time you FEEL like giving up? To be successful you have to decide before that you will not give up. Same applies everywhere:
- To be in good schedule, decide before the day what are you going to do
- To be in good marriage, decide before the marriage what kind of husband you will be
- To be rich, decide before you get the money what you will do with it
These decisions should be based on your values, beliefs & principles. Why is it so hard to do? Because it involves dicipline - that bitter-tasting pill that can make or brake a person.
If you want very simple formula to live your life the fullest, do the following:
- BODY - assume you had an heart attack - now live accordingly
- LOVED ONE - assume you are still in dating phase - now act accordingly
- WORK - assume that you are one rank higher that your current position - now act accordingly
- RELATIONSHIPS - assume everything you say about another, they can overhear - now speak accordingly
- PARENTS - assume that it is your last time you see them in this world - praise them accordingly
- SPIRIT - assume that you will have one-on-one visit with your creator every quarter - now live accordingly
Dan also talked about how to choose your spouse and work. He also said that he is not expert in this field because he has been married only once. But what a tremendous success his marriage has been - he and Maria have been together for 28 years. How´s that for commitment?
Finding the ONE, look for somebody who:
- brings out the best in you (and also motivates you to be your best)
- shares your ethical convictions
- you will love even when "physical" dims
- feels the same way as you about committment
- matches your level of initiative and energy
- has enough depth for at least 80 years
- shares your spiritual dimension
And one mega-tip to remember for the rest of your life: Never go to sleep angry! Even when it takes all night to solve the problems and fight the fight, do it! Sleeping with anger kills the trust in your relationship. What are the early warning signs that the relationship you are in is not heading to the right direction?
- criticism (attacking person, not action)
- defensiveness
- contempt, sarcasm and lack of respect
- stonewalling (emotional shutdown)
Marriage is not addition, it is multiplication! If you take two half-happy people and put them together it is not two happy people, it is to very unhappy people! (0,5*0,5=0,25)
Finding the right place to work:
- Anti Mr. Mediocrity test (have people around you who will not accept your average but expect your best)
- Mirror test (can I make a difference and improve the world?)
- Family test (will my spouse/parents/kids be proud of me and my work?)
- Pay-value test (will I get paid based on MY actions or policies?)
- Flexibility test (can I take time off if I want to?)
- Calendar test (is there any (seasonal)variety in the job?))
posted by Jaak Roosaare at 4:28 PM
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